patience | meditation as a practice | day 3
and returning to the breath
As this series progresses, I expect you’ll discover that meditation is, in many ways, several smaller practices within a larger practice. First there was non-judgment, and now I’m suggesting that, if you want to practice meditation, you will also need to practice patience. Patience, the second mindful attitude according to Jon Kabat-Zinn, is essential, since even the most regular practice never progresses in a linear fashion. Progress in this practice, I once heard it said, moves not in a smooth upward slope, but instead, in a wonky spiral. One day the practice will feel smooth and regulated and on another, it will feel impossible. In fact, it’s not uncommon in the early days of a new practice to feel like the mind is racing more than ever. This is usually because we have a new awareness of our internal landscape that we may not have had before. Again, there is no need to judge our experience as good or bad. We aim to practice non-judgment. There is no benefit to abandoning the practice if it doesn’t progress in the way we expected. We aim to practice patience. This is just the beginning. These are the many smaller practices within the larger practice.
Returning every day to sit and do nothing, without expectation, requires not only patience but discipline. And while the word discipline can feel fraught, here I mean it as dedication or devotion. When it comes to self-discipline and the cultivation of new habits, it’s important to examine our intention. Some of the habits and routines we carry out in a disciplined way are rooted in self-love, while others have their roots in the belief that we’re inadequate as we are.
If you’ve decided to practice because you’re hoping that meditation will make you whole or worthy, you’ll be discouraged quickly, since meditation will do neither of these things. It won’t and it can’t. You can be assured that you are whole and worthy with or without this practice. Coming to this practice determined to be better, and convinced that this will be the thing that finally does it, will drain the joy right out of it. If this is our attitude to practice, meditation will become just another thing we need to do to be good.
As a friend once said to me, “Meditation is not just another stick I’m going to beat myself with.” Instead, let’s practice meditation in a regular and disciplined way because we care. We care about this body. We care about this mind. We care about this life. We care about being here now, whatever that happens to mean. In her book, Wintering,
describes meditation as a form of prayer, writing:…I ask for nothing, and speak to no one within it. It is a profoundly non-verbal experience, a sharp breath of pure being amidst a forest of words. It is an untangling, a moment to feel the true ache of desire, the gentle wash of self-compassion, the heart-swell of thanks, the tick tick tick of existence.
If we approach meditation this way, the practice becomes a supportive ritual, a silent declaration of self-love, and, on the days when it simply isn’t, we can set it aside without the need to berate ourselves for missing a day. We’ll come back to it when we can. We’ll be patient with the practice, and perhaps most importantly, with ourselves.
home practice
Today, carry on with your daily practice, whether 10 minutes a day, or more. If you miss a day, don’t try to make up for it by doubling your practice on another day. Simply start the practice anew on the next day.
If, on a particular day, you find you don’t have time for your regular practice, try shortening it to one minute or two. If even that seems impossible, try closing your eyes and allowing yourself just one, deep, mindful breath. Some days are like this.
Below I’m including a 10-minute focused awareness practice on the breath. There’s nothing much to it. Notice the breath. When the mind wanders, bring it back to the breath. That’s it.
See how it compares to the open awareness practice from yesterday. It’s worthwhile to make a note of how different styles of practice may feel different.
guided practice
guidance for a self-directed practice
Sit or lie comfortably. Bring your attention to the breath.
Observe the breath as if for the first time. You may try noticing: The beginning, middle and end of the breath; the pace of the breath, whether fast or slow; the quality of the breath, whether deep or shallow; the sensation of the breath, where you feel it in your body and its temperature.
When you notice that your mind has wandered away from the breath (and it will, the mind finds the breath very boring), guide it back to the breath. Noticing this shift in attention is the very essence of the practice.
Be patient with yourself.
Close your practice with three final cleansing breaths: inhaling deeply, exhaling long and slow. When you are ready, open your eyes if they were closed. Return to your space.
When first learning to meditate on the breath, there are tools we can use to help train our attention. Consider using either of these approaches to support your practice, especially if you’re new at this:
Silently repeat a mantra or refrain to yourself. You might try, “Breathing in, I know I am breathing in. Breathing out, I know I am breathing out,” or simply, “Breathing in. Breathing out,” or, even more simply, “In. Out.”
Count the breath. Breathing in, count, “One.” Breathing out, count, “One.” Carry on like this until you reach ten breaths and then begin the count again. If you notice you have exceeded ten counts, begin the count again. If you notice you have stopped counting, begin the count again.
for more
Why the breath, always the breath? Perhaps no one has formulated a more complete answer to this question than journalist, James Nestor. I have yet to read his oft-recommended book Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art, but search his name in Apple podcasts and you’ll find countless different guest features in which he gives the low down on the benefits of nose breathing and breath work practices. I liked this 2023 episode he did on Pulling the Thread with
.Attention on the breath is an ancient practice with roots in Buddhism and yogic traditions. The book Breathe! You Are Alive by Thich Nhat Hanh is a modern translation of the Anapanasatti Sutta, the ancient sutra on the full awareness of breathing. It is simultaneously rich in wisdom and practicality.
Meditation on the breath is a true training of attention. In this recent episode of The Ezra Klein Show, guest, Gloria Mark, describes the training of attention as essential to well-being and as essential to well-being as physical activity.
Reach out to me with questions any time at taryn.greig@gmail.com.
This is part of a 10-day series on cultivating a regular meditation practice. Feel free to share this resource with anyone who you think might appreciate it.