This is the final week in this ten week series. As I write this, I’m almost 37 weeks pregnant. As I write this, I know so very little about how the rest of my life is going to look. Then again, who among us ever does? All we ever know for sure is that it will change. It will change and it will never stop changing.
In the months ahead, I expect to lean heavily on my mindfulness practice, though I have no idea what shape it will take. I will try, and probably fail, to embody the nine qualities of mindfulness I’ve written about over the last nine weeks.
I’ll scold myself before I’ll remember non-judging.
I’ll lose my cool before I’ll remember patience.
I’ll expect myself to have the answers before I’ll remember beginner’s mind.
I’ll doubt the decisions I’ve made before I’ll remember trust.
I’ll attempt to be perfect before I’ll remember non-striving.
I’ll resist the way things are before I’ll remember acceptance.
I’ll cling to things I can’t control before I’ll remember letting go.
I’ll long for the way things used to be before I’ll remember gratitude.
But if I remember nothing else, then I hope I’ll remember generosity. I hope that every time I remember my practice, I’ll be gracious and forgiving towards myself, towards the ones I love, towards the ones I find hard to love. I know I’ll need that the most and so will they. It’s what we all need.
But I’ll try to remember me first. First me and then you. First ourselves and then others. In discussing what we want from each other in the weeks ahead, my husband and I agree on one thing: We want the other person to have compassion for our experience. We want to be given the benefit of the doubt. It’s a tall order, we know, because in asking for this from each other, we know we’ll also have to give it to ourselves.
And why shouldn’t we be generous? What good does it do us to withhold our love? From ourselves? From our partners? From the stranger on the street? Our world is full of tough critics, of buckling down, of pulling up our socks. Why not tread a little lighter?
Author Annie Dillard said, “Only the newborn in this world are whole, that as adults we are expected to be, and necessarily, somewhat nibbled. It’s par for the course.”
A mindfulness practice really begins when you make the decision to be gentle with your somewhat nibbled and imperfect self. It begins with you, but it never ends there. Eventually, and without any extra effort on your part, it spills out and over onto those around you.
I hope your practice carries on. I wish for you to be able to access non-judgment, patience, beginner’s mind, trust, non-striving, acceptance, letting go and gratitude in the moments when you need them most. Then again, if I can only have one thing, if I can only wish upon one star, then generosity in all the moments when the other attitudes are out of reach, that’s what I want. I’m wholehearted in wishing that for you because, more than anything, I wish that for me too.
home practice
Your practice is your own and it always has been. Keep carrying on. Keep experimenting. Keeping leaving it and coming back. Keep letting it evolve.
This week’s guided practice is, what else? Lovingkindness. First for you and then for others, too.
guided practice
guidance for a self-directed practice
Settle in for your practice as you normally would. Seated or lying down. Eyes closed or gaze soft. Take a few moments to ground yourself, to notice your breath and to arrive where you are.
Bring to mind a person or other being, living or passed on, for whom loves flows easily and naturally. Silently offer the following phrases of lovingkindness towards them, “May you be healthy. May you be happy. May you be safe. May you live with ease.” Adapt these phrases as needed to feel them resonate.
Next, turn your thoughts of lovingkindness towards yourself, offering the same phrases towards yourself, “May I be healthy. May I be happy. May I be safe. May I live with ease.”
Third, bring to mind a neutral person, someone you might see regularly but not know well. This could be a neighbour, a colleague, or someone you regularly see at a coffee shop. Silently offer them the same phrases, “May you be healthy. May you be happy. May you be safe. May you live with ease.”
Then, bring to mind a difficult person, someone with whom you may have had some minor friction or conflict. Again, the same phrases as before, “May you be healthy. May you be happy. May you be safe. May you live with ease.”
Finally, expand the bounds of your offering to encompass all living beings, the ancestors who came before you and the people of future generations. Offering the same phrases, and including yourself in this greater whole, “May we be healthy. May we be happy. May we be safe. May we live with ease.”
When you’re ready, close your practice. Open your eyes if they were closed. Carry on through your day.
for more
Speaking of caring for ourselves first, this recent essay from the
newsletter by provides more food for thought on that very theme.On the subject of meditation,
has shared a lovely conversation with meditation and yoga teacher, Naomi Annand, that covers many of the practicalities of adopting a regular practice.Learning about the dynamics of the universe always helps me to put things in perspective. I loved this episode of the How To Keep Time podcast from The Atlantic, in particular when the hosts discuss the passage of time in relation to disorder. Somehow it seemed to help me make sense of my own, occasionally chaotic, existence.
what now?
As I venture into the unknowns of motherhood, newsletters will return to unscheduled for the next little while. And, I still have so much I want to say and to share with you. In addition to the usual reflections and recommendations, I have plans to begin including conversations with mindful community members who are forging their own paths. I hope you’ll stay tuned.
If you have two minutes, you can leave me feedback on this series here.
Here’s to being here now.
In this 10-week series, I’ve shared weekly guidance on cultivating your own meditation practice. Each weekly guide has included a reflection on one of the nine attitudes of mindfulness, practical guidance and a recorded practice. Feel free to share this resource with anyone who you think might appreciate it. The full 10-week series can be found here.